The weather in Germany is very cloudy and rainy...just a very depressing weather. Of course THIS is not the reason for my day to be hard! But it didn't make it much easier.
Some time ago I got very bad news, but today it got even worse. It's very hard for me to be strong and smile over the day, but I always try, because making a sad face won't change anything except for the mood of the ones who are around me. I don't want anyone to feel bad because I do.
Many people don't even realize how much a smile can change a situation. No matter how bad your day was, no matter how much you hate a situation, if someone smiles at you, you can't do anything else but smile back, maybe slightly, but in the end you smile. Something that seems so small and even useless to you, might change everything for someone else. Not just a smile, but also a small, true compliment can make somebodys day. I want you to remember that, next time when you notice yourself making an angry or sad face. Does it really help in any way?
Many people who really get to know me (like my very best friend) are very confused when they see me cry the first time. I always try to be very cheerful and happy even when I have to 'act' sometimes. It helps me and my friends more than crying about everything. Tears don't change bad things, they just make it harder to focus. Of course it's important to cry and show your feelings! Otherwise you would get an emotional breakdown one day, trust me. But it's also the most important thing to cry in a moment where you can focus just on that. Going through your emotions, your feelings and through all your thoughts.
I'm a very 'near to tears' kind of girl. But in certain situations I hold myself back to manage everything and to get through it. When it's over, I lock myself in my room and cry if I still feel like it.
In the last few weeks I wanted to do something else. I started praying again, what felt very strange in the first moment.
I don't belong to any kind of church, I'm not christian in anyway. But I still believe in god. Don't judge me because of that. I have my own opinion about god and religion and I don't want to fix myself on a special 'shape' of religious thoughts.
I didn't pray for a very long time, because I didn't feel like it. There was nothing that made me believe in god anymore or that made me feel like I wanted to get connected with him.
It appears that we always pray much more to god when we feel bad. Maybe it's because we feel much more like someones watching over us.
I don't know if praying works, but I feel a little tiny bit better when I prayed. I feel like I'll find a way to face all my problems and I know that I'll get through all the stuff that hurts me.
No matter if you believe in god or anything like that (because in every religion I know is a god but he got different names...haha so it's always the same ^^) or not, someones watching over you. There is always someone who loves you and just wants your best. Sometimes it's hard to trust and just go your way but it's important to try it.
I guess this blog got way to long.
Much love, have a great weekend and enjoy your life.
Ra~# the REAL Juliet ;D
